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“His hope is my hope.”

My name is Robert, I’m 22, and I’m currently in college for an AS in Computer Networking. I am diagnosed with autism, inattentive ADHD, OCD, depression, and ODD. My father has been incarcerated for as long as I can remember. We used to meet more often when I was a kid but at a certain point it tapered off due to circumstances outside of my control, and he became a blurry memory until I was made privy again to the situation in 5th grade. He always wanted to connect with me though over that entire time, my grandma kept a collection of letters he sent to me over the years to give me when I was 18, and she stayed in constant contact with him. He kept a diary for years that he finally gave to me not too long ago, that he had been writing in basically since I was a toddler- to give me his uncensored perspective on things. We connected and faded multiple times over the years (mainly due to me being avoidant of the situation along with other external factors) but ever since like 2021 we’ve been consistent.

My father’s charisma, well-roundedness, and conviction stands out about him as a person. He can control rooms of all types, from a room of gangbangers to a room of graduates, while not sacrificing or compromising on himself or any of his values in the process. He stands for things even when those things are typically looked down upon by the culture he was raised in. With time these things typically end up catching on, having a progressive result on groups of people who otherwise may have been set in their ways. With that said though, he is always open-minded if your argument is a good one.

His humanity and mentality can’t be minimized down to his incarceration or past. I feel like it’s easy for people to put him in a certain box because those things are what stand out the most, but that box is not fitting for him at all. It doesn’t fit because it invalidates the metamorphosis he has put himself through in order to transcend the prison he lives in. He has grown so much as a person, and every time I’ve seen somebody new hear him speak, they were caught off guard because they were perhaps expecting him to fit a certain stereotype of what a black incarcerated man looks like in their head. But the reality is he has transcended that, with the accolades, the respect, and the mindset to prove it. He doesn’t let those walls define him, he is bubbly and optimistic with a constant stream of super ambitious thoughts that are always bigger than himself and the facility that merely cages his physical form.

We stay connected over phone calls, visits, JPay, and his partner who is very involved. This is purely because of my dad and his partners commitment to doing everything they can to connect with us. We have dinners with him on the phone, and sometimes you forget he isn’t there with you until a notification cuts everyone off mid laugh, reminding that there’s only 1 minute of the call remaining.

“So much love sitting in plain sight but just out of reach.”

It’s definitely not as bad as death, but in those moments where invisible/social barriers keep you from embracing physically in the way you desire, or when pockets of deep connection are vandalized by reminders that you must wake up from the fantasy of the present moment- you can’t help but feel as if being teased with a taste of what you can’t have might hurt more than not having it at all.

I had to grow up without a true father figure or stable role model. Due to this, I had so much I had to work through or figure out on my own. I had to find my own confidence/self-love, I had to find my own image of what it means to be a man, I had to find out how to cope with my abnormally large emotions on my own, how to be compatible with society as a neuro-divergent black man and so much more. All things I believe I wouldn’t have had to struggle so much doing on my own if I had my father.

“A future where rehabilitation is valued over permanent punishment”

Hope means humanity, a catalyst, and a reason to wake up and seize the day. Without hope or optimism is there truly a purpose to life? If we just accepted our circumstances as they were and lived completely caged to the present, what separates us as humans from any other lifeforms other than being sapient? Could we really even be considered sapient if a form of hope is the catalyst for a near infinite range of things conducive to the human experience we know, such as creativity, innovation, activism, action, optimism, faith, problem-solving, life and many more- yet we didn’t take advantage of it?

If the Hope Act were passed, I envision a future where rehabilitation is valued over permanent punishment, and the humans capacity to grow is recognized- rather than caging people to a past that might not even represent anything conducive to their character anymore.

“Nothing is purely black or white.”

My father ‘did’ wrong, but he was conditioned to behave that way from birth and circumstances outside his control. The man he’s fought to become, despite there seemingly being no real intention to considering his life sentence, wouldn’t ‘do’ that wrong in any universe now.

I hope in sharing my story that people open their eyes a bit more to nuance and the human’s capacity for growth.

You can read Robert’s full interview here